Difficult Times

*Disclaimer:  This will be long and deep.  If you are grieving, this might not be the post for you.  This is one of my few outlets and I discuss my faith, my God and my family’s current struggles.  Please feel free to skip this one if you wish.*

Our family has had a very difficult week and a very emotional weekend.  I’ve cried several times today and I don’t think it would take much to set off another episode of big crocodile tears.

My Grandmother is suffering now.  Her quality of life is non-existent.  I barely recognize her as the person I love so much.  I think only part of her survived the stroke and the most important part, the part that truly made her herself has already gone on to eternal glory.

I’ve felt pulled to my Bible this afternoon and evening.  I need reassurance that there is a reason why she (and we) are going through such trying times and enduring such suffering.  I find myself thinking that she would have been better off had she never woken up even though those thoughts make me feel very guilty.  I know that the Lord only takes people once their purpose on Earth has been completely fulfilled, so there must be more left for her.  God wouldn’t allow such suffering without a purpose.  This all has to be for His Glory. 

This weekend, my prayers have changed from recovery to letting her go to end her suffering.  If she can’t get better (and we are continually told how bad her stroke was), eternal Glory with the Father is far better than Earthly suffering.  I have no doubt that I will see her again because I know she loves the Lord.  I can take comfort that I will see her again when it is my time to enter the gates of Heaven. As much as I don’t want to say goodbye to her on Earth, I will rejoice that she will be spending eternity in paradise and will be helping to prepare a place for me when my time comes.

Ok, the tears have started again…

I needed someone to talk to tonight, so I called one of the kindest, most compassionate people I know: our former minister’s wife and a dear, dear friend.  I don’t really fell “better” because I don’t think anything about this situation can be made better, but I was able to get some of the reassurance I so crave and just have someone to talk to.  Some things are easier to say to someone a little removed from the situation. 

Three verses that are bringing me some comfort now…from my Wesley Study Bible, the NRSV…

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled. and do not let them be afraid.  You heard me say to you, ‘I am going away and I am coming to you.’  If you loved me, you would rejoice that I am going to the Father, because the Father is greater than I.”

John 14:27-28

“Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Believe in God, believe also in me.  In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places.  If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?  And if I go to prepare a place for you, I will come again and take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also.”

John 14:1-3

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  If you know me, you will know my Father also.  From now on you do know him and have seen him.”

John 14:6-7

I feel like I should end this with the traditional call and response from the United Methodist Church after scripture is read.  The minister says, “The Word of The Lord” and the congregation responds, “Thanks be to God”.  “Thanks be to God” indeed.  I give thanks for the life of my Grams and for the eternal life that all who believe are guaranteed.