One Year Later

It hit me earlier that my journey back to health started one year ago this past Wednesday. I took a little trip down memory lane...

I remember terrible pain and more fear than I've ever felt before.

I remember feeling like I had ruined my life and that things would never be the same.

I remember that horrible day in recovery where I was "blind" (no glasses or contacts), crying behind a curtain as I'm pretty sure the patients on either side of me died. I was completely unprepared for waking up scared and alone and remaining that way for hours. Anesthesia can do some crazy things to your mind and emotions. That experience is one I hope never to repeat.

I remember Daddy coming in after closing on my house for me. I have no memory of signing the limited Power of Attorney and I was pretty sure at the time I'd never go back to Nashville or to work.

I remember finally being discharged and being fine for a night until I was uncontrollably sick again. I couldn't leave the bed without vomiting for three days. I thought I was dying for sure then. Little did I know that I was going through morphine withdrawal.

I remember being exhausted from the least amount of exertion. I didn't do anything that I enjoyed. I didn't cook, I didn't shop and I didn't sing when I came home to Florence. I went through the motions of life, but I wasn't living.

Now, I'm so grateful that I can do almost anything I want. I have a few limitations, but I can do so much more than a year ago. I can cook a full meal for my family, I can shop for hours and I can sing out without being lightheaded.

I was very stupid for a long time and ignored things that shouldn't have been ignored because I was embarrassed. I'm still embarrassed, but I've learned that it's okay to let some people in. Certainly not everyone, but I can't completely internalize everything anymore as the stress was killing me.

I'm so grateful for the people in my life that I've been able to open up to and that serve as my sounding board and talk me down when I panic.

Chronic disease is scary, but I'm no longer completely alone on this journey. For that, among other things, I am so grateful.

Comfort Food

I was under the weather all weekend and I'm still feeling a bit puny.  I should have forced the doctor to give me a shot instead of pills.  I know, I know...who asks for a shot?

Anyway, I haven't been really hungry since I really can't taste anything.  Sunday afternoon, I decided I was in the mood for some comfort food.  What I had in mind was a recipe I have been making for years that I got from Mama's best friend, Vickey.  She made these butter rolls when I was little that I swear are like crack.  It's physically impossible to eat just one.  Even better, it's just three simple ingredients.

2 sticks butter (I use REAL butter and I always bake with salted butter unless the recipe calls for salt)
1 cup sour cream (the rolls might be fine with low-fat, but with two sticks of butter, why bother?)
2 cups self-rising flour

Combine very soft butter with the sour cream and flour and mix until well incorporated.  Scoop into either regular or mini-muffin tins.  Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven until golden brown.  I made full-size rolls and they took between 25-30 minutes to cook.

I didn't eat any when they finished cooking last night, but they made a great breakfast this morning.  I'll probably make something for dinner tonight that works with these (or maybe I'll just eat half of the pan as my dinner!)

I had planned to snap a picture this morning, but I was running late (thanks Benadryl and Sudafed for making it impossible to wake up) and left the house without a picture.  Anyway, any picture I took would not have done justice to just how good these rolls are.  Trust me, all the fat and calories are 100% worth it when you bite in to one of these!

What am I, four?

I just got back from the doctor's office.  Diagnosis: double ear infections.  I don't think I blogged about it at the time, but I had this same problem back in February.  I take some medication that affects my immune system, so it appears that this is how my body "likes" to get sick.  I could barely even sleep last night because my ears hurt so bad--combined with the fact that my power was out AGAIN. 

I was talking to Mom about it earlier and how I used to get ear infections regularly in high school. I seemed to get them anytime I was tired and stressed (the end of Show Choir season, AP exams, etc.) or when the weather changed. I was even told by the doctor that one more ear infection would mean tubes for me--at 17.  Imagine how bad it would be now if I needed tubes at 25?!?  I can just see myself checking into Children's Hospital and sitting in the waiting room with the little kids--probably with parents my age!

New Recipe - Follow-Up

I just wanted to follow-up the post yesterday about the pan-roasted chicken thighs.  I have to say, they are better than any fried chicken I have ever had!  No breading required to make it leaps and bounds better than KFC.  I followed the directions carefully and the chicken turned out perfect in just the amount of time the recipe called for.

I think this chicken would be good with a variety of rubs rather than just the salt and pepper.  I'm definitely planning on experimenting in the future with this one.

I have to admit, this was my first experience with cooking chicken thighs and since I rarely cook with bone-in meat, I was a bit nervous about getting the chicken done, but not tough.  Not to worry, there was no rubber chicken at my house last night!

My only complaint was not due to the recipe, but chef's error.  I knew my old standard iron skillet was not level and I turned the pan frequently (as the recipe stated) to ensure even cooking while on the stove top.  However, I did not account for this when in the oven.  I found that some of my chicken thighs were still in the oil while others were directly on the skillet.  Next time, I'll rotate the skillet while in the oven as well.  The skin of the chicken was not burnt, but some pieces were a bit more crispy than others.

I think this will go into my rotation since it's simple and (relatively) quick.  Also, if you are trying to be more economical, my grocery store was selling chicken thighs for half of the price of chicken breasts.  I say buy the chicken thighs and enjoy the added flavor of dark meat.  Mom's always said I'm going to turn in to Suze Orman (without a few of her more well known characteristics), so maybe I will be the Suze Orman of grocery shopping?

New Recipe Blog

I may be totally behind the times, but I recently discovered a new cooking blog, Dinner: A Love Story, while blog hopping on Monday night.  Since then, I've tried a new potato recipe and I am planning on trying the Pan-Roasted Chicken Thighs linked from Bon Appetit.

Doesn't that look completely sinful?

I really want this cookbook...maybe someone will get it for my birthday...August 6...*hint, hint*.

If this new recipe turns out, I'll share my tips.  I'm also looking forward to this recipe.  Maybe for later this week? 

I've got a busy weekend planned with a Batchelorette party for one of my coworkers, but I still want to make time to bake some of "Aunt" Revonda's sinfully yummy caramel brownies for my new neighbors moving in on Saturday.  I bought all of the ingredients that I didn't have on hand last night, so all I have to do is whip them up and stick them in the oven! 

I don't know if I have posted about this or not, but I decided I have two cooking-related goals for this summer: making my Grandmother's famous yeast rolls and learning to make my own pie crust.  Maybe one day I'll finally break down and try yeast rolls again after three failures.  I would give just about anything for an entire pan of hot, buttered rolls to myself.  The pie crust is something I just don't know if I can tackle on my own.  Mother doesn't like to cook, so I can't learn from her, but I do have a dear friend who has promised to teach me.  If anyone out there has tips on the best pie crust or what to do when your yeast rolls won't rise, send me your tips. 

Almost Made It

Remember how I said I was going to try to get to work at 8:00 today? Well, I was on track to make it, but then I looked at the huge bruise on my arm from a blown vein (I promise I'm not an IV drug user!) as I got on the interstate this morning. What's the problem with that, you might ask, besides the unsightly bruise? The problem is that my office has a dress code that forbids sleeveless shirts and dresses, among other things and I forgot the most essential part of my summer wardrobe: my cardigan! I was already risking getting in trouble as my dress fell above the knee (gasp!?!), so I was forced to turn around at the next exit and hightail it back home do I wouldn't be sent home to change. Hopefully, I won't make that mistake again. Or maybe I should leave one of my many white cardigans at work? Anyway, that was not the best start to my Monday. I'm hoping for a better Tuesday free of any wardrobe malfunctions!

Happy Day!

I couldn't go to bed without saying something about two special men in my life: my Daddy and my Grandaddy.

I don't say it enough, but I am so lucky to have both of them in my life! They are both the example I use when looking for a future husband.

Daddy is hardworking and always made sure I had everything I needed and more. He was my Big Buddy when I was little and we had Daddy-Daughter dates whenever we had the time. He traveled a lot during my childhood, but never failed to call us ever night--even from halfway across the world or a third world country.

My Grandaddy is one of the bravest men I know. He survived four years in the Army during World War II, put himself through school for two degrees (along with Grams' help, of course!), and raised two daughters. He played with in the backyard, built me swings and slides, and made a mess with me eating watermelon whenever I wanted it.

On top of today being Father's Day, today is also Grandaddy's 93rd Birthday. I think this probably is the hardest this far, even surpassing birthdays in Africa and Europe as a soldier, because he misses my Grams and doesn't understand that she is no longer with us. I wish I could have given her back to him instead of a few polo shirts.

I love these two men, my "boys", so very much and I'm proud to be Daddy's Little Buddy and Grandaddy's Baby.

There's No Place Like Home

I'm so glad to be back at my house after more than a week away! This is the first time since I left home for college that I actually look forward to going back from a weekend at home. Don't get me wrong, I love Florence and the people there, but I often wish I could move my house there.

I'm coming up on a year in my house and there are things still on my to-do list that I thought would be done long before now. Oh, well! If I can manage to hang my antique family painting above my bed in the next two weeks, I might finally do a picture tour in honor of my first year of home ownership. Stay tuned for that!

I'm still pretty sore from Thursday. I felt a bit better until I overdid it on Saturday. I definitely paid for it today when I felt pretty bad at church. It wasn't easy trying to sing without taking a deep breath! After a nap this afternoon an some medicine, I feel better, but not tip top. They didn't warn me about this when I signed the consent!

I'm back to work tomorrow, so I need to unpack and head to bed. I'm definitely looking forward to my own bed after 6 nights in hotels and two nights (does 4 AM-8AM count as another night) in my bed in Florence. I'm trying to start the week off right by getting to work at 8:00 instead of my busy-season habit of 8:15 (or later) that has carried over into the summer. Thank goodness we can come in whenever ( within reason) as long as we work at least eight hours!

Released

I've been released from the clinic and am now somewhere in Iowa. The procedure went well, but I'm still pretty sore. I know that will get better with time, but these roads are making the drive difficult.

Thanks for all the prayers!

So Far, So Good

I didn't see a doctor afterwards, but considering that I was released to the hotel, I'm going to assume things went well. I have a follow-up tomorrow at 1 o'clock and then we hope to be on the road home.

Thanks to everyone who checked on me and who prayed for me. Fingers crossed for good news tomorrow!

Tomorrow

I've got a procedure tomorrow that will either fix things for the time being or lead to emergency surgery. I was feeling pretty down about it considering my track record until I talked to a friend that helped to snap me out of my funk. I'm still nervous, but I'm going to hope for the best instead of expecting the worst. I'm at the very best place I could be and in the hands of some very talented people. Regardless, I'd appreciate prayers tomorrow afternoon and evening that things go well and no complications arise either during or after the procedure.

What to do on your day off...

I had a day free of doctor's appointments and there's not much to do in Minnesota, so Mom and I spent the day in Minneapolis (or maybe St. Paul) at the Mall of America and Ikea.

I didn't buy much since the stores I was interested in are also in Nashville, but it was fun to look. The people watching was especially good and I've picked up a couple of Minnesotan phrases that make Mom laugh every time.

I'd never been to an Ikea before and I have to be honest--I was really disappointed. Neither of us bought anything. I am as far from being a modernist as possible when it comes to home design, so I wasn't surprised that I didn't like the furniture, but there really wasn't a single thing that really tempted me. Oh, well. Been there, done that.

Now that I'm back at the hotel, my legs are killing me. I wish I'd put a pedometer app on my phone to see how far I walked!

Familiar Names

On the drive to Minnesota, I saw so many familiar names. Do you ever wonder why so many cities and towns have the same names as others throughout the country?

I think every state has a LaFayette, but I wonder if there are any other names used in every state?

We drove through Waterloo, Athens, Louisiana (Missouri or maybe Iowa?), Bowling Green (Missouri, not Kentucky) and many other places that reminded me of home.

I'm going to the Mall of America tomorrow. I would be happy enough just going to Williams-Sonoma to add to my wish list, but I'm sure I'll find other stores and maybe even ride the indoor roller coaster. I wonder what familiar names I'll see on the drive there?

Another crazy thing--it was after 9 before the sun set tonight. It's crazy how much of a difference being farther north makes on the length of the day.

Halfway there!

Wednesday night--more than halfway to the weekend!

I wish I could go to bed soon, but it seems like there's always something else to be done. I had to work late to compensate for the long lunch I took today (to run errands, mind you). After leaving work, I needed to run by the grocery to get a few things for the bridal shower we are throwing for a coworker on Friday. After I finally made it home, I had to eat before tackling my ever-growing to-do list. My plants needed watering and there is always something that needs to be cleaned. Also, I'm going out of town after work on Friday so there are things to pack and lists to make. Oh, me and my lists!!

I've mistakenly thought today was Thursday all day, so it's a welcome relief to know that I have another day to get this week's projects done at work. I was starting to get a little stressed! Especially since I had an hour and a half training on how to use my PHONE!(we're getting a new system)!! That's 90 minutes I'll never get back! Haha

I'm going to knock a few more things off my list and get to bed. My goal is to actually get to work early (or at least by 8) tomorrow. This hasn't happened in quite some time, regardless of when I wake up.

PS--I didn't post yesterday, but it was Emma's 4th birthday! She celebrated the day with "dog cream" AKA Chick-fil-a ice cream. She was one happy puppy even when she got her face washed afterward. I laughed so hard when she had ice cream all over her head--that's what happens when you stick your whole head in the cup! I don't know what I would do without her sweet, spoiled self!

Company's Coming!

My good friend, Molly, came by tonight and we had dinner and caught up on each other's lives this evening. I am so glad we met at Auburn in the MAc program and became friends!

Having someone to talk to that actually understands what our jobs require is so refreshing. I miss having people that not only understand, but I can speak freely with. It's really freeing to not have to worry about what you are saying and how that could affect a performance review or a possible promotion. This type of job is very political and I love being able to relax and not worry about opinions for a change.

I love how easy being friends with some people is. It doesn't matter how long it's been since you actually saw the person because you just jump right back in where you left off!

I definitely wish we lived closer to each other, but we are already planning my trip to Memphis hopefully in July!

Running around...

...like a chicken with my head cut off. That describes how I have felt since Thursday afternoon. A last-minute trip, a couple shopping excursions plus getting ready for a visit from a friend from the MAc program makes for a busy couple of days! I'm afraid this "headless chicken" mentality will make for a disjointed post, but oh well. Please forgive me.

My Grad School BFF, Molly, is coming to visit tomorrow. We've only seen each other once since we finished school, but we talk often and commiserate about our jobs and respective busy seasons. I'm so happy to finally get to see her and show her my house, but you know what company means...manic cleaning sessions. Thank goodness I just had company two weeks ago so the major cleaning has already been done. I agree with Mama that it seems like I'm always cleaning. I don't know how there always is so much to do when I live here alone!

I did get to have some fun today doing one of my favorite activities: retail therapy. I ran out to Target early this morning intending to only buy hangers. However, I ended up with door mats, baskets and, most importantly, a year's supply of my hair mousse that I thought had been discontinued. You better believe I bought their entire stock--all five bottles! I was one happy girl!

Then, this afternoon, I went to Opry Mills with one of the girls from work. This was my first trip there in years--it has been closed due to flood damage since before I moved to Nashville. She is getting married in about six weeks and we are throwing her a shower at work on Friday. We were shopping for a dress for the shower, but I couldn't resist picking up some flip flops for Mom and me.

Tomorrow morning, I plan on going to church and then catching up on a little work I didn't get done due to other distractions last week. I've got to keep my chargeable hours up even during the off season.

Since I mentioned the last-minute trip, I guess I should say something about it. Nothing is urgently wrong, but this isn't a pleasure trip either. If you know me in real life, you can ask me about it and I'll tell you what I feel comfortable sharing. Also, if I act weird(-er than usual) next week just know that I'm really nervous and have lots of scenarios running through my mind all the time. Why is waiting and dreading often so much worse than the actual thing?

On a unrelated note, it's a good thing I haven't gone to sleep yet because it just started raining and all of my upstairs windows were open. This weather has been so nice, so I decided to get some fresh air upstairs. Also, I was really hot last night and refused to turn in the air conditioner when it was cooler outside than inside. I wouldn't mind if it stayed like this for a while. Unfortunately, I think that's just wishful thinking.

One more thing...is anyone else planning on watching the coverage of Queen Elizabeth's Diamond Jubilee tomorrow? I set my DVR earlier today and I'll be recording BBC coverage for most of the day. It's not as exciting as William and Kate's wedding, but is something to watch, nonetheless.