Slug Day

Last week was rediculously busy--I worked crazy long hours to get a few big projects off my desk!  This week is looking like a crazy one too, but I have a visit from the family to look forward to tomorrow!

Now, on to the title of this post--Slug Day.  This is a reference to the day (or week) after Show Choir weekend during high school.  We had shows on Friday and Saturday night and then a Sunday afternoon show.  Between school, rehearsals and the actual performances (not to mention preparing for AP exams, too), everyone was completely exausted when Monday morning rolled around.  Normally, we didn't waste a minute of time in Chorus.  We sang until the bell rang every day!  However, on Slug Day, we did absolutely nothing.  We just sat for the entire class period and talked and rested.

In true Slug Day fashion, I was useless yesterday.  I went to bed shortly after 9PM on Saturday and didn't wake (the first time) until 10:30AM.  I was awake for a few hours, but stayed in bed until I went to sleep again at noon.  I slept until 3 o'clock this time.  Then I laid in bed until 5 o'clock when I finally decided to get up and do something productive.

Despite my utter laziness, I did get a few loads of laundry done and cleaned upstairs to get ready for Mom, Dad and Emma to visit.  I don't want to get the "stink eye" from Dad if my house is not clean enough.  I got enough of that in college. :)

I was feeling pretty horrible during and after work on Saturday and I didn't feel great yesterday, but all that sleep certainly made me feel better today.  I actually woke up when the alarm went off and was at work before 7:30!  I can't remember the last time this happened.  I guess being motivated to get my hours in today so I can leave early tomorrow was what I needed to get going this morning.

Busy Season Guilt

I feel guilt of one kind or another throughout busy season. Either I'm not working "enough" hours or my house is not clean "enough" or I'm not being a good "enough" daughter and friend.

This time of year, my sole focus, whether I like it or not, is tax returns. Sleeping enough hours, cleaning my house and spending time with friends and family unfortunately becomes secondary to completing another tax return.

The lack of sleep catches up with me first. Some days, it's all I can do to get out of bed in the mornings. I have trouble going to sleep almost every night since I go to bed as soon as I get home. Since I haven't had any time to mellow, my brain keeps thinking about the next tax return and its after midnight before I know it. If you don't believe me, ask the friends I play against in Scramble and Words with Friends. More than one person has asked me why I'm still awake considering I have less than 6 hours before starting a new day. Thank goodness I don't have to clock in at 8AM!! It really does work better with traffic to leave at 8:00 and get to work at 8:30. Nashville traffic is awful almost all the time...

I know I complain about my house not being clean enough when others would say its spotless compared to theirs, but messiness still bothers me. For instance, I still have laundry that I hung up to dry in the laundry room and have yet to put it away. I guess, if it really bothered me so much, I would have put it away instead of writing about it. I think I'll go do that... :)

Guilt about not being a good enough daughter and friend is the kicker. I so wish I could spend time every weekend with Grandaddy, but it's just not possible. I have a (justified) fear that he will forget me while I am working weekends and can't visit. I have to hope he still remembers me and I send him cards that he reads over and over again. I think seeing my name and phrases he always used to tell me he loved me might trigger his memories. Mom and Dad understand to an extent. They don't expect me to come home and they take care of Emma. They even do my shopping for me. (I need air filters for my HVAC and Dad is going to get them before they come to the doctor next week since I can't fit in a Home Depot trip.) I know they understand working late and working hard, but I also know they get tired of hearing me complain about how tired I am and how frustrated I am with a person or a project. I try to keep it to myself, but it usually doesn't work. Many of my close friends are CPAs (or the wife of a CPA), so they understand. It's nice to talk to someone who "speaks the language". It definitely helps to hear that things are not just ridiculous at my firm. My other friends unfortunately have to accept that I'm pretty much MIA until April 15th.

I'm going straight to sleep now--maybe I can sleep 8 hours tonight, get to work earlier than usual and charge more hours! We'll just have to see if I can break the vicious cycle that starts every morning when I can't get up and moving. Night all!!

Weekend...What is a Weekend??

Downton Abbey fans...get the reference in the title today? I am DVRing tonight's episode because I don't have time to watch a two hour episode while I'm upstairs cleaning and doing laundry. I'll watch it next "weekend".

I've been a completely lazy bum today. I slept for almost twelve hours and then took a nap!! I feel a tiny bit justified considering how my week went. I worked very long hours every day this week--including staying very late on Saturday. There was work to be done and I didn't want to get behind with any project that was ready to be worked on. I hope it pays off with an easier week this week. Actually, I need to work hard this week too since Mom and Dad will be here overnight the following week and I want to leave by 6 to spend time with them and sweet Emma. I haven't seen them in three weeks and it will be over four before they are here. Unfortunately, I think that visit will be the last one before either Palm Sunday or Easter. I don't think I'll be able to manage a trip to Florence for both, but I am going home for one Sunday.

I don't think I've ever gone an entire busy season in Nashville with only one trip home. The first year, I went almost every weekend for a while after Grams got sick. Last year, I went home so I could go to Birmingham to see my friend Bonnie's sweet baby and spent the night with dear Auburn (and church) friends. I remember another weekend that I worked, went and had my hair done and then drove to Florence. I guess this year will just be different. I miss talking to Grandaddy and I miss my friends in Florence. I can call people, but poor Grandaddy can't hear what you say over the phone. I tried to call this afternoon and he never understood who I was. I told him (very loudly) that I loved him and he said "thank you". He didn't know it was me, but at least he knew someone said they loved him.

I really wanted to talk to Grandaddy today because today would have been Grams' 90th Birthday. I wonder what we would have done if she was still with us. We wanted to have a big party for Grandaddy when he turned 90, but we ended up not making a big deal about it. He's not one to have attention on him. However, my Grandmother would have loved a party. We had a huge 50th Anniversary party for them when I was little and she loved it. She loved to party!

I have this picture (below) framed in my house. I didn't love it at the time, but it is one of my favorites of us. It was taken after my high school Graduation. We had my party at Grams and Grandaddy's house since its within walking distance of the stadium where we had Graduation. I'm so glad Uncle Mark caught this moment and I rediscovered this picture years later.

Weekend Recap

I made it through Friday. Thanks to everyone who checked on me after my last post. It was a hard day, but we all made it. I had an especially frustrating day at work, so I "rewarded" myself by leaving work at 6. I relaxed and caught up on some DVR'ed shows before going to bed at a somewhat more reasonable hour than usual.

As I said, I "rewarded" myself with an early night on Friday, but that unfortunately meant a long Saturday at work. I don't think I've ever still been in the office at 8PM on a Saturday. The work has to get done somehow, right?!?

I should have worked today, but I wanted to enjoy a low-key day. Since it rained nearly all day, an afternoon nap was in order along with a quick trip to the mall. I exchanged one thing before the mall closed--I really thought ALL the department stores were open until 7. Apparently not!

After I got home, I watched a few more DVR'ed shows and chatted with my friend Bonnie. Her husband is a tax accountant too, so it's always a little bit of a relief to hear that it's not just crazy at our firm, but everywhere else, too.

I've been needing new glasses for ages, but I haven't broken down and picked any out yet. While I was talking to Bonnie, she mentioned a company called Warby Parker that she has recently ordered glasses from. I virtually "tried on" several pairs and I think I'll be taking advantage of their service where they will send you five frames to try for free! Here are a few pairs I like so far...

February 8, 2003

Tomorrow is the one day I truly wish would fall off the calendar and never appear again.  February 8, 2003 was the day I think my childhood ended.  The day that I realized I wouldn't always get my way--even in the really big things.  The day my Aunt died.

We had a very unique relationship.  Aunt Nancy never married and never had children of her own.  Instead, she had me as well as several hundred former students.  I was always so excited to spend any and every moment with her.  She always treated me like an equal and not a little kid.  I was never upset if Mother and Daddy were going somewhere without me as long as I got to stay with Aunt Nancy.  I happily stayed with her during chemo weekends just to have more time with her.  I didn't care what we did as long as we were together.  Sunday afternoon naps were perfectly acceptable activities in my book.

The two days leading up to that Saturday should have been a clue.  Thursday, we had an indication that something wasn't right.  Friday, I asked Mother to stay with me overnight.  I don't really think she had any intentions of leaving us alone, but I still thank God that I asked her to stay.  If she hadn't, that night and the next morning would have been so much worse.

Even with everything that happened on Friday night and early Saturday morning, I never thought that when I left the hospital to shower that I would never see Aunt Nancy alive again.  I had (and still do, to an extent) a lot of anger towards Mother afterwards when I realized that I was kept away while others were there.  Daddy and I were not given a chance to say goodbye.  I am so glad that I could not hear the other side of the conversation when Mother had to tell Daddy on the way home from England.  I remember once we went back to her house, I was trying to find someone to pick up Daddy from the Huntsville airport because I didn't think he could make it home safely alone.  I remember Mother's sister coming in through the garage and, for just a second, I thought her approaching shadow was Aunt Nancy and that everything that had happened in the last 24 hours was just a terrible nightmare.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have been much more realistic and not so naive.  I would have realized that long-term survival was a long-shot at best.  I was completely unprepared to lose her.  I thought we had no secrets, but the very most important one of all left me unprepared and unable to tell her the things I hope she knew about how I felt.

For weeks afterward, I felt like there was a huge hole in my life.  My first thought every morning was "Did that really happen?"  It hurt to even talk about her and I could't enjoy the good memories because the bad ones were so overwhelming.  Eventually, with the help of a counselor, I was able to let go of much of the pain and remember the good times.  She had me keep a journal that I was to write one memory of the two of us in per night.  I still have the journal, but I haven't looked at it in a while.  I have found that the good memories never really go away even with the passage of time.

Even though the hole is still there, I've gotten used to it.  I can go most days without being sad.  I still miss her and I still wish I would have been able to say goodbye.

Snow Day!

Saturday morning, I was awake early and was planning on picking up a work friend and driving us both to the office (We went to a work event across town together the night before).  She called me about fifteen minutes before I was going to leave and asked me if I had looked outside.  I have floor length curtains in my bedroom going across the entire back wall, so I quickly went to one of my guest bedrooms to look outside.  Look at what I saw:

The snow was coming down HARD!!  After my experience driving home from work in snow the first year I lived here, I do not drive in snow unless absolutely necessary.  Working on a Saturday was not deemed absolutely necessary.  Instead, I cleaned house and napped until lunch when the roads were clear enough to safely drive to work.

Nashville weather is schizophrenic enough as it is--I'm starting to get really worried about what this Winter has in store!