Busy Season Guilt

I feel guilt of one kind or another throughout busy season. Either I'm not working "enough" hours or my house is not clean "enough" or I'm not being a good "enough" daughter and friend.

This time of year, my sole focus, whether I like it or not, is tax returns. Sleeping enough hours, cleaning my house and spending time with friends and family unfortunately becomes secondary to completing another tax return.

The lack of sleep catches up with me first. Some days, it's all I can do to get out of bed in the mornings. I have trouble going to sleep almost every night since I go to bed as soon as I get home. Since I haven't had any time to mellow, my brain keeps thinking about the next tax return and its after midnight before I know it. If you don't believe me, ask the friends I play against in Scramble and Words with Friends. More than one person has asked me why I'm still awake considering I have less than 6 hours before starting a new day. Thank goodness I don't have to clock in at 8AM!! It really does work better with traffic to leave at 8:00 and get to work at 8:30. Nashville traffic is awful almost all the time...

I know I complain about my house not being clean enough when others would say its spotless compared to theirs, but messiness still bothers me. For instance, I still have laundry that I hung up to dry in the laundry room and have yet to put it away. I guess, if it really bothered me so much, I would have put it away instead of writing about it. I think I'll go do that... :)

Guilt about not being a good enough daughter and friend is the kicker. I so wish I could spend time every weekend with Grandaddy, but it's just not possible. I have a (justified) fear that he will forget me while I am working weekends and can't visit. I have to hope he still remembers me and I send him cards that he reads over and over again. I think seeing my name and phrases he always used to tell me he loved me might trigger his memories. Mom and Dad understand to an extent. They don't expect me to come home and they take care of Emma. They even do my shopping for me. (I need air filters for my HVAC and Dad is going to get them before they come to the doctor next week since I can't fit in a Home Depot trip.) I know they understand working late and working hard, but I also know they get tired of hearing me complain about how tired I am and how frustrated I am with a person or a project. I try to keep it to myself, but it usually doesn't work. Many of my close friends are CPAs (or the wife of a CPA), so they understand. It's nice to talk to someone who "speaks the language". It definitely helps to hear that things are not just ridiculous at my firm. My other friends unfortunately have to accept that I'm pretty much MIA until April 15th.

I'm going straight to sleep now--maybe I can sleep 8 hours tonight, get to work earlier than usual and charge more hours! We'll just have to see if I can break the vicious cycle that starts every morning when I can't get up and moving. Night all!!