Faith

There are times when I’m unwavering in my faith, but also times when I’m not so sure…I don’t understand why God lets people suffer when they are so ready to come home to Him for eternity.  I have to trust that there is a reason for everything He does.  It’s sometimes easier to say that than to believe it.

Grams is not doing well at all.  Apparently, some strokes can bring on dementia.  Basically, her body is still living and breathing and suffering, but I believe her soul has moved on.  The person who remains is not the Grams I love so much.  We lost her seven weeks ago tonight/tomorrow.  I want to mourn her, but it seems so weird to mourn a living person.

She’s coming home Tuesday to spend her final days in familiar surroundings in hopes that she will find some comfort and peace.  We don’t know how long we have left with her earthly body, but we are going to do everything to make her comfortable and to provide even a tiny bit of quality of life.

Why, God, do you allow people who so want to come home to you to linger?  Why don’t you open your arms to her and say to her, “Well done, my good and faithful servant?”

I miss her so much already.  I miss our phone calls every night.  I miss just hearing her voice.  I even miss yelling at her to get her to hear me.

I love you Grams.  Thank you for loving me and taking care of me all my life.  I KNOW I will see you again.  I won’t say goodbye, so instead I will say… until then.