One Year Later

It hit me earlier that my journey back to health started one year ago this past Wednesday. I took a little trip down memory lane...

I remember terrible pain and more fear than I've ever felt before.

I remember feeling like I had ruined my life and that things would never be the same.

I remember that horrible day in recovery where I was "blind" (no glasses or contacts), crying behind a curtain as I'm pretty sure the patients on either side of me died. I was completely unprepared for waking up scared and alone and remaining that way for hours. Anesthesia can do some crazy things to your mind and emotions. That experience is one I hope never to repeat.

I remember Daddy coming in after closing on my house for me. I have no memory of signing the limited Power of Attorney and I was pretty sure at the time I'd never go back to Nashville or to work.

I remember finally being discharged and being fine for a night until I was uncontrollably sick again. I couldn't leave the bed without vomiting for three days. I thought I was dying for sure then. Little did I know that I was going through morphine withdrawal.

I remember being exhausted from the least amount of exertion. I didn't do anything that I enjoyed. I didn't cook, I didn't shop and I didn't sing when I came home to Florence. I went through the motions of life, but I wasn't living.

Now, I'm so grateful that I can do almost anything I want. I have a few limitations, but I can do so much more than a year ago. I can cook a full meal for my family, I can shop for hours and I can sing out without being lightheaded.

I was very stupid for a long time and ignored things that shouldn't have been ignored because I was embarrassed. I'm still embarrassed, but I've learned that it's okay to let some people in. Certainly not everyone, but I can't completely internalize everything anymore as the stress was killing me.

I'm so grateful for the people in my life that I've been able to open up to and that serve as my sounding board and talk me down when I panic.

Chronic disease is scary, but I'm no longer completely alone on this journey. For that, among other things, I am so grateful.

Comfort Food

I was under the weather all weekend and I'm still feeling a bit puny.  I should have forced the doctor to give me a shot instead of pills.  I know, I know...who asks for a shot?

Anyway, I haven't been really hungry since I really can't taste anything.  Sunday afternoon, I decided I was in the mood for some comfort food.  What I had in mind was a recipe I have been making for years that I got from Mama's best friend, Vickey.  She made these butter rolls when I was little that I swear are like crack.  It's physically impossible to eat just one.  Even better, it's just three simple ingredients.

2 sticks butter (I use REAL butter and I always bake with salted butter unless the recipe calls for salt)
1 cup sour cream (the rolls might be fine with low-fat, but with two sticks of butter, why bother?)
2 cups self-rising flour

Combine very soft butter with the sour cream and flour and mix until well incorporated.  Scoop into either regular or mini-muffin tins.  Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven until golden brown.  I made full-size rolls and they took between 25-30 minutes to cook.

I didn't eat any when they finished cooking last night, but they made a great breakfast this morning.  I'll probably make something for dinner tonight that works with these (or maybe I'll just eat half of the pan as my dinner!)

I had planned to snap a picture this morning, but I was running late (thanks Benadryl and Sudafed for making it impossible to wake up) and left the house without a picture.  Anyway, any picture I took would not have done justice to just how good these rolls are.  Trust me, all the fat and calories are 100% worth it when you bite in to one of these!

What am I, four?

I just got back from the doctor's office.  Diagnosis: double ear infections.  I don't think I blogged about it at the time, but I had this same problem back in February.  I take some medication that affects my immune system, so it appears that this is how my body "likes" to get sick.  I could barely even sleep last night because my ears hurt so bad--combined with the fact that my power was out AGAIN. 

I was talking to Mom about it earlier and how I used to get ear infections regularly in high school. I seemed to get them anytime I was tired and stressed (the end of Show Choir season, AP exams, etc.) or when the weather changed. I was even told by the doctor that one more ear infection would mean tubes for me--at 17.  Imagine how bad it would be now if I needed tubes at 25?!?  I can just see myself checking into Children's Hospital and sitting in the waiting room with the little kids--probably with parents my age!

New Recipe - Follow-Up

I just wanted to follow-up the post yesterday about the pan-roasted chicken thighs.  I have to say, they are better than any fried chicken I have ever had!  No breading required to make it leaps and bounds better than KFC.  I followed the directions carefully and the chicken turned out perfect in just the amount of time the recipe called for.

I think this chicken would be good with a variety of rubs rather than just the salt and pepper.  I'm definitely planning on experimenting in the future with this one.

I have to admit, this was my first experience with cooking chicken thighs and since I rarely cook with bone-in meat, I was a bit nervous about getting the chicken done, but not tough.  Not to worry, there was no rubber chicken at my house last night!

My only complaint was not due to the recipe, but chef's error.  I knew my old standard iron skillet was not level and I turned the pan frequently (as the recipe stated) to ensure even cooking while on the stove top.  However, I did not account for this when in the oven.  I found that some of my chicken thighs were still in the oil while others were directly on the skillet.  Next time, I'll rotate the skillet while in the oven as well.  The skin of the chicken was not burnt, but some pieces were a bit more crispy than others.

I think this will go into my rotation since it's simple and (relatively) quick.  Also, if you are trying to be more economical, my grocery store was selling chicken thighs for half of the price of chicken breasts.  I say buy the chicken thighs and enjoy the added flavor of dark meat.  Mom's always said I'm going to turn in to Suze Orman (without a few of her more well known characteristics), so maybe I will be the Suze Orman of grocery shopping?

New Recipe Blog

I may be totally behind the times, but I recently discovered a new cooking blog, Dinner: A Love Story, while blog hopping on Monday night.  Since then, I've tried a new potato recipe and I am planning on trying the Pan-Roasted Chicken Thighs linked from Bon Appetit.

Doesn't that look completely sinful?

I really want this cookbook...maybe someone will get it for my birthday...August 6...*hint, hint*.

If this new recipe turns out, I'll share my tips.  I'm also looking forward to this recipe.  Maybe for later this week? 

I've got a busy weekend planned with a Batchelorette party for one of my coworkers, but I still want to make time to bake some of "Aunt" Revonda's sinfully yummy caramel brownies for my new neighbors moving in on Saturday.  I bought all of the ingredients that I didn't have on hand last night, so all I have to do is whip them up and stick them in the oven! 

I don't know if I have posted about this or not, but I decided I have two cooking-related goals for this summer: making my Grandmother's famous yeast rolls and learning to make my own pie crust.  Maybe one day I'll finally break down and try yeast rolls again after three failures.  I would give just about anything for an entire pan of hot, buttered rolls to myself.  The pie crust is something I just don't know if I can tackle on my own.  Mother doesn't like to cook, so I can't learn from her, but I do have a dear friend who has promised to teach me.  If anyone out there has tips on the best pie crust or what to do when your yeast rolls won't rise, send me your tips. 

Almost Made It

Remember how I said I was going to try to get to work at 8:00 today? Well, I was on track to make it, but then I looked at the huge bruise on my arm from a blown vein (I promise I'm not an IV drug user!) as I got on the interstate this morning. What's the problem with that, you might ask, besides the unsightly bruise? The problem is that my office has a dress code that forbids sleeveless shirts and dresses, among other things and I forgot the most essential part of my summer wardrobe: my cardigan! I was already risking getting in trouble as my dress fell above the knee (gasp!?!), so I was forced to turn around at the next exit and hightail it back home do I wouldn't be sent home to change. Hopefully, I won't make that mistake again. Or maybe I should leave one of my many white cardigans at work? Anyway, that was not the best start to my Monday. I'm hoping for a better Tuesday free of any wardrobe malfunctions!

Happy Day!

I couldn't go to bed without saying something about two special men in my life: my Daddy and my Grandaddy.

I don't say it enough, but I am so lucky to have both of them in my life! They are both the example I use when looking for a future husband.

Daddy is hardworking and always made sure I had everything I needed and more. He was my Big Buddy when I was little and we had Daddy-Daughter dates whenever we had the time. He traveled a lot during my childhood, but never failed to call us ever night--even from halfway across the world or a third world country.

My Grandaddy is one of the bravest men I know. He survived four years in the Army during World War II, put himself through school for two degrees (along with Grams' help, of course!), and raised two daughters. He played with in the backyard, built me swings and slides, and made a mess with me eating watermelon whenever I wanted it.

On top of today being Father's Day, today is also Grandaddy's 93rd Birthday. I think this probably is the hardest this far, even surpassing birthdays in Africa and Europe as a soldier, because he misses my Grams and doesn't understand that she is no longer with us. I wish I could have given her back to him instead of a few polo shirts.

I love these two men, my "boys", so very much and I'm proud to be Daddy's Little Buddy and Grandaddy's Baby.